Tale of the Tape. Charles Barkley vs. LeBron James

http://www.businessinsider.com/lebron-james-rips-charles-barkley-2017-1 

“I’m not going to let him disrespect my legacy like that,” James told ESPN. “I’m not the one who threw somebody through a window. I never spit on a kid. I never had unpaid debt in Las Vegas. I never said, ‘I’m not a role model.’ I never showed up to All-Star Weekend on Sunday because I was in Vegas all weekend partying.

“All I’ve done for my entire career is represent the NBA the right way. Fourteen years, never got in trouble. Respected the game. Print that.”  

“I know [Barkley] wanted to retire a long time ago, but he can’t,” James said. “He’s stuck up on that stage every week.”
James then issued a challenge, of sorts.

“And if this makes him want to talk to me, the schedule’s out there,” James said. “He knows every road arena I’ll be in. Don’t just come up to me at All-Star and shake my hand and smile.

”

This reminds me of the Dark Knight when Bruce Wayne's lawyer tries to exploit Lucius Fox for 10 million a year for the rest of his life or he is going to reveal that Bruce Wayne is the Batman.  And Lucius basically responds by saying you've just explained the most badass motherfucker in the world, and your plan is to blackmail him?  Obviously LeBron isn't attempting to blackmail Sir Charles here, but throughout the entire quote he encompasses Charles Barkley in a nutshell.  A drunk? Check. A loose cannon? Check. Not afraid to fuck someone up? Check.  Gambling addiction? Double check.  If you're LeBron James is this someone you really want to go to battle with?

I mean LeBron loves to laud the fact that he is a father of 3.  The dude says it in like every damn interview.  Does he really think a drunk Chuckster won't hesitate to spit on one of his kids at All-Star weekend?  Or maybe berate his wife when he is on a bender?  Absolutely no one is off limits in Charles Barkley's head, and LeBron himself just opened up all his family and friends to the lions den.  I know in his head he is defending himself.  But in reality he is just entering the ring with a man he himself described as a nut job with nothing to lose.  Not a good combo for the King.    

Mischa Barton is no Bueno

 Hey lady, you're scaring us! I live and work in New York City, so safe to say I see a lot of homeless/crazy people yelling wild shit, but Mischa Barton would easily take the cake as top psycho.  I mean good god girl, what the hell are you on?!  Yelling about witches, the end of the world, lord knows what other nonsense she was spewing.  

I know the reports are saying that it was because of a spiked drink, and I guess I can buy that whatever ruffie she was slipped brought this deranged craziness out of her.  But if you don't think there is something deeper going on here than you're not seeing the clear as day picture.  Mischa Barton is clearly possessed by demons, and at the very least not human.  I mean look into those eyes, that is not the face of a chick who got slipped something in their cocktail.  

Now her people trying to say this was a date rape drug?  Ummm I'm pretty sure if someone was going to try and rape Mischa Barton they would use a drug to get her black out and incoherent.  Not scaling her fence proclaiming the world is gonna end, because that is sure as fuck not a turn on.  

This leaves two options to what happened.  Whoever drugged Mischa Barton mixed up the drugs from a date rape pill to a wild psychedelic a la black Doug in the Hangover.  Or Mischa Barton is possessed by the devil.  You choose. But its option two.  

Dominos is Great

Most people show up to work on Monday with a laundry list of tasks to, most of which they neglected to do on Friday and get down to business for the next 8-10 hours.  Well not me.  I have more important things on my mind.  Like defending Dominos pizza.  Look I am no pizza aficionado.  Some slices taste good to me. Some taste bad. All taste great when I am drunk.  But too many people are constantly on their high horse regarding Dominos saying how it is shitty pizza and they'd never order it.  Well I am here to defend the Dominos honor.

First off, to all the Dominos haters let me first counter by saying fuck you.  Is Dominos amazing pizza? No, I can admit that. I don't know if it even qualifies as pizza. But whatever it is, it tastes delicious.  And that cannot be argued on any level.  Its cheesy, saucy, and whoever thought to essentially turn the crust into a piece of garlic bread is a god damn genius.  Bottom line is that Dominos comes to play every day of the week.  It is reliable.   It is also versatile as fuck.  Thick crust, thin crust, maybe even throw some bacon on there.  Dominos will never disappoint.  And that is just the pizza aspect.  I could write another 15 pages on how incredible cheesy bread, cinna sticks, chicken kickers, and lava cakes are but like I said earlier I have things to do that I neglected on Friday.  

Thats basically all I have on this.  Really intellectual stuff I know.  

P.S. This blog is basically an admission that I housed a dominos pie and two lava cakes all by myself last night.  

Did the Donald Photoshop his hand?

Every twitter and liberal political personality is freaking out over this picture that Trump has hanging in the white house.  Look does Donald have the thinnest asking of all time? 100% yes.  He went on a crusade over the goddamn inauguration attendance because he felt so insecure.  At the end of the day DJT is a replacing a relatively young, hip, and popular black guy as a stuffy, old, rich white guy so there are bound to be some insecurities.

But people going nuts over this picture and practically calling for his impeachment over it need to chill the fuck out.  I mean it is not like this picture is going in a public place, it is being hung in HIS office.  When I take pictures I without hesitation suck my gut in and give my head the slightest raise to avoid showing off any bit of a double chin.  Why? Because no one wants to look shitty in a picture.  ESPECIALLY ONE IN THEIR FUCKING HOUSE OR OFFICE!  If models can have their pictures photoshopped why can't our president? Apples to apples to me.

Or maybe did anyone think that DJT is trying to instill some confidence in the American people?  As our nations leader he is going to meeting and shaking hands with the worlds most important/powerful people.  And he sure as shit can't be doing that with small hands.  If judging someone for being a pussy because they gave me a weak handshake because of their small hands is wrong, than I don't wanna be right.

Rajon Rondo is a Bitch

Cry me a fucking river Rajon Rondo.  You're really taking to Instagram to get back at Jimmy Butler and D Wade for their comments the other night?  Newsflash bud, you are a grown man on an NBA team.  Not a high school girl whose best friend gave your ex boyfriend a tug and decided to vent on Instagram by posting picture of her friends saying "true friends would never hurt me.  XOXOXO @ my betches."

Here's an idea to help you out, Rajon. Don't suck. Maybe realize Jimmy is the best player on your team and D Wade has been doing this for years and has three rings.  Than maybe they won't have to call you and everyone else out in the Media.  And for god sakes take it like a man.  Don't run home and and cry that Paul Pierce and KG use to be so much nicer and kinder to you.  Boo-hoo Rajon.


P.S. The daily back and forth between the Knicks and Bulls to prove who is currently more incompetent is gold.  Just day after day each organization throwing more gasoline on to become the bigger dumpster fire.

The common cold sucks

So here I am sitting in my cubicle slaving away doing work (blogging) struggling with the most common of colds.  Now do I feel like death? No I do not. I don't have the flu or any infections but just a regular case of the sniffles, coughing and sneezing, some body aches, and my body going back and forth from hot and cold (shoutout Katy Perry's banger).  So you may ask well why is the common cold the worst than Max? Allow me to enlighten you.


First off I don't even really wanna mention the flu because if you don't get the flu shot you're an eastern medicine freak.  But for argument sakes when one is suffering from the flu they get to stay home from work.  'Nuff said. Flu > common cold

If I had the stomach virus right now would I be sprinting back and forth from the toilet to projectile and have diarrhea? Fuck yes I would be.  As shitty as that sounds, would I be getting lean AF in the process? Fuck yes again.  What does the end result of the common cold do for me? The answer is zero.  Stomach virus > common cold.

Now what is the main difference between an ear infection/strep throat to a cold? You may be saying that these have the same shitty feelings of a cold, but the kicker here is drugs.  I am sitting around taking over the counter the meds that are most likely doing dick for me.  One measly little infection and you get hooked up with that prescription good good.  Oh and its a gimme day off because you're "contagious" or "don't want to get anyone else sick." By taking the day off you're actually doing more good than bad.  Talk about a hero.

I love Inaugurations

We are officially a couple hours into the presidency of Donald J. Trump and he seems to have gotten off to a smooth and gracious start.  (Although if you're an illegal Mexican I'd advise laying low for awhile.)  Now don't get me wrong, I love America as much as the next person.  The peaceful transition of power and democracy at work is what inauguration day is all about, and that is awesome to see.  But it is not my favorite part of the day.

 To be honest I am a sucker for pageantry.  The Trumps pulling up to the White House to meet with the Obamas, than the motorcade to the capital, the former Presidents introductions, the swearing in, than the Trumps seeing Barry O and Michelle off are all fucking sweet to watch and really the best part.  The two most powerful people in the world doing what the founding fathers had exactly in mind.  

I mean I'd kill to be a fly on the wall and hear the conversation between Donald and Obama.  All the talking heads on CNN trying to guess what the convo could be about, whether it be policy or other boring shit.  Think again morons.  More like aliens, NASA, all of our nukes, and all the other dirty secrets presidents know about.  Bottom line is that nothing puts asses in the seats like power, prestige,  money, and fame.  And when it comes to inauguration day, we have that by the fuck ton.  

Oh and I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the star of the show.  As a regular jewish guy Ivanka Trump is the dream.  Jewish parents always wanting their son to go out and find a nice jewish girl to marry and settle down with.  How about being able to fuck the smoke that is Ivanka Trump AND she converts AND she's like a bajillionaire?  Jared Kushner won the lotto. Even though he had boatloads of money before they met.  It all ties back to what I said earlier. People with power, prestige, money, and fame are attracted to others with it, and the rest of us are just peasants.  

Fold the Franchise

First of all, apologies to the six people who read this blog after my couple week hiatus.

Anyway if you have a television or internet I am sure you're aware of the Knicks suffering another huge, deflating, and disappointing loss.  In other shocking news the sun will rise tomorrow.  So lets break down the final play that was so Knicks it cannot be described as anything else.

1. Carmelo dribbles for a bunch of seconds

- This is standard

2. Carmelo drives to the basket

-Umm dude you're down 3 points. I know you were only in school for like 6 months but the math says you need a 3 pointer

3. 'Melo Passes????

As a 'Cuse alumni I am obligated to defend Carmelo but that is not possible tonight.  In late game situations Carmelo NEVER passes, fuck in early and middle game situations he is a black hole that rarely gives up the ball.  So why tonight of all nights does he decide to dish the ball with the clock running down and the team down three? Lord only knows. 

4. Courtney Lee open for 3 in the corner

-all Knicks fans say at once "Shoot it Courtney!" Than immediately think to themselves "Did those words really just come out of my mouth."

5. Courtney Lee pump fakes and drives to hoop

-Maybe its a team thing that they refuse to believe in this whole Math thing?

6. Lee kicks it out to Brandon Jennings

- LOL this should end well. Close your eyes and fucking chuck it dude, what else are we paying you to do.

7. John Wall knocks the ball away and the Knicks lose

-Well as a Knick fan if you expected anything different you're an idiot. Another night at the worlds most famous arena done right. Rinse and repeat. 

So in summation the Knicks were down 3 points with 15 seconds left and had the best ball movement as a team they have had all year.  Aaaaaaand didn't get a shot off.  Whatever, trust the process right? Jk there is no process just a constant cluster fuck.