Oscars Fuck up

First thing first, this was absolutely fucking hilarious.  Only the biggest night in Hollywood and some shmuck intern handed the wrong envelope to Warren Beatty who than made an absolutely boring night, fully electric.

With that being said, the moral of the story is that Warren Beatty at 79 years old and Faye Dunaway at 76 are too old to be presenting awards at the Oscars, let alone the biggest award of the night.  Take both of my grandfathers who are in their 80s for example.  I'd say when they are talking to me and trying to get my attention they get my name right less than 25% of the time.  They know who the hell I am, but chances are they are going to call me by my brother, cousin, dad, or whatever the fuck name pops up in their head at that time.  Thats just getting old.  And Warren Beatty is too old to be presenting at the Oscars.  If you're older than 50 years old get all old and drunk and creepy at the Oscars, but sorry you can no longer present.

The other thing that stuck out about this was the producer of La La Land, Jordan Horowitz happily handing over the oscar to the Moonlight people.  Only the biggest award you will ever receive is being ripped right from your claws.  Show a little fucking heart and fight.  If this was a sports you'd have an athlete up there pretending all is well and trying to get off the stage with the trophy in hand.  Not willingly handing it over.  Fucking artsy people.  Play to win the game one time for me.

President of Azerbaijan chooses wife as New VP. Wait what?

This year, Azerbaijani President Ilham Aliyev offered his wife a special anniversary present — he appointed her first vice president.  On Tuesday, Aliyev announced that Mehriban Aliyeva, 52, would step into a role created last fall by constitutional referendum. In that position, she will succeed her husband if he steps down. She will also likely oversee the country's cabinet. (The constitutional amendments approved in the referendum also stretched the presidential term from five to seven years, after a 2009 referendum abolished term-limits in the former Soviet republic. And they ditched the age requirement for president, paving the way for the Aliyevs' 19-year-old son to run.)

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2017/02/22/azerbaijans-president-has-chosen-a-new-vp-his-wife/?utm_term=.983fff95ad16

Look of course this is ultimate power move from Ilham Aliyev to legit just make up his own damn rules as he goes.  And I am all for "fuck you I can do whatever I want" decisions, but this is one I just can't condone.  I am far from a married man, but isn't work suppose to be your escape from your wife?  This man has to deal with the shit-storm of a country that is Azerbaijan* by day, and than come home and deal with his wife and kids by night.  So why on earth combine the two?! Makes negative sense.  I get that pussy can make any guy do crazy things, but isn't that reserved for young hot single girls?  Certainly not your 52 year old wife.  

My only theory is that Ilham Aliyev is all but positive he going to be assassinated because you know, Azerbaijan;  and he wants to make sure he keeps the presidency in the family until his son takes the reins.  Otherwise I can't think of one reason that this makes sense in the slightest.  Hopefully his 19 year old son won't make the same idiotic mistake.    

*BTW I have no idea what is going on in Azerbaijan, but one can only assume its a shit-storm

Magic Johnson Named President of Basketball Operation for the Lakers

After 35 years with the same organization Mitch Kupchak has lost his job as President of the team. Jim Buss was essentially fired by his sister from their own family business.  And one would also assume that Phil Jackson is pretty butt hurt now that he can't run the Lakers.  Yet these 3 men did not take the biggest L in the Magic Johnson hiring, It was in fact however, AIDS.

Granted I was born in 1994, so I missed Magic announcing that he had stuck his dick in everything that moved and contracted HIV.  But I do know that in the 80s and 90s HIV/AIDS was a death sentence.  Somehow and someway in 2017, Ervin Magic Johnson has reduced it to being diagnosed with something a little worse than the common cold.  I mean what exactly has Magic accomplished since finding out he had the dreaded HIV?  Played some more basketball, made a bajillion dollars in his business ventures, than used some of that bajillion to be apart of the group that bought the Dodgers, and now has been named the President of one of the most historic teams in sports.  Doesn't sound like a bad deal to me.  Where do I sign up for AIDS?

Now I know people are going to tell me that the reason Magic is still alive is because of all the money he has for treatments and medicine that never let the disease progress like it does in the common person and blah blah blah.  But I don't buy it.  If it is such a deadly disease why don't we hear
anything about it like we do from cancer, alzheimers, and all the other god awful illnesses out there?Because the point remains, Magic Johnson killed AIDS.

That face when not even you know how you kicked AIDS straight in the dick

Trying to Comprehend why Phil Jackson rides the Bus

Well we all knew the Knicks were doomed and Phil Jackson couldn't get the job done.  But if you consider yourself an optimist and had even the slightest bit of hope, this picture should put an end to that dream. (And you're an idiot for having hope but thats another story).  Defeated, depressed, confused and wanting to get the fuck out of New York and go back to LA are all things that describe Phil in this picture.  I mean just based off this picture and the last 3 Knick seasons, I am more surprised Phil actually boarded the bus and didn't jump in front of it.

The real story here though is what on earth is Phil Jackson doing riding the New York City bus.  He is the owner of 11 championship rings, and is getting paid 12 MILLION dollars.  For example I am a 22 year old recent college graduate who is still supported by his parents, makes a minimal salary, and takes important time out his day at work to write blogs.  And that is why I take the crosstown bus to work everyday.  I am the perfect bus candidate.  Not the Zen Master.

Just this morning I had the privilege of sitting near a crazy guy yelling about how much life sucks and  I am pretty sure a homeless chick. (Can't be positive she was homeless but she certainly smelled like it).  But again, I am not 3 years into a 5 year 60 million dollar contract.  Phil Jackson is.  Take an Uber, get a driver, or worst case take a god damn cab Phil. But there is absolutely zero reason you should be riding the bus.  You're too rich, and clearly to tall for public transportation because holy shit do you look uncomfortable.

Darrelle Revis Arrested

NY Jets star Darrelle Revis was involved in a violent altercation in Pittsburgh over the weekend -- but there seems to be a big dispute over what really went down.  Revis' lawyer, Blaine Jones, issued a statement saying the NFL star was assaulted by 5 men in the South Side area. The lawyer said Revis was injured and sought medical attention. Jones is adamant Revis is the victim.  But here's where things get weird ... WTAE in Pittsburgh says Revis is the one under investigation for the incident -- with sources claiming he and his group were the aggressors and men in the other group suffered serious injuries.
    
 At the end of the day the Jets were most likely going to cut Revis after he will inevitably not accept a pay cut.  So this probably just makes that decision much easier.  Now do I care that he was arrested and may be in trouble with the league? No because like I said he was probably not going to be a Jet next year anyway.  But what does infuriate me is that just from reading the reports of this incident it appears that Darrelle showed more fire, passion, and fight in a Pittsburgh street brawl than he did all year playing cornerback.  I mean for 16 games last year the man was a walking corpse who didn't give a fuck about anything but collecting his paycheck.  Didn't cover. Didn't tackle.  Didn't make plays.  Didn't give a shit.

The dude is facing two counts of aggravated assault, along with charges of robbery, conspiracy to commit aggravated assault and to top it all off a terroristic threat! Revis island is a terrorist now! Truly wild stuff.  Another day in paradise to be a New York Jet fan.  In all honesty whoever the guys that Revis beat the shit out of can't be very good athletes.  Because the Revis I saw play football this year, all you need is one studder step or cut in a different direction and he will be nowhere near you.

Lets go to a live look in on Todd Bowles to see what he has say on this franchise falling apart...

Nothing? Thought so.

Tom Izzo and Dan Dakich won't be hanging out anytime soon

I was a little late to seeing this, but after Michigan State's win last night Tom Izzo went absolutely IN on Dan Dakich for this tweet...

Now obviously for Dan Dakich this is not the best look.  Especially considering he has a son that goes to Michigan and is a walk on there.  And I don't personally like Dakich much on TV, but here is the reality of this tweet Tom Izzo, he ain't fucking wrong!  There are exactly zero students who go to Michigan State that could go or actually got accepted into Michigan.  Want to know how I know that?  Because those kids would be in Ann Arbor if they could.  For sure not the hell hole that is East Lansing.  Granted I know exactly one person who has ever went to MSU (he was a little off in High School), and he got out of there so fast he would of transferred to a school in the Gaza Strip if it meant not having to do another semester in Sparty.    

That is the overall beauty of college sports and their rivalries.  One school is always on a higher ground academically.  I went to Syracuse and could I get into Georgetown? Fuck no! But guess what Tom Izzo, I know that and I embrace it.  So I guess my GPA and SATs were not high enough, I get that.  But I am happy I didn't have to go to that Roman Catholic School with their over the hill basketball program and where half the student body was touched by their priests as kids.  And they would look right back at me and tell me I have a half functioning brain and thats why I ended up in bumblefuck central New York.  It is the essence of college sports rivalries.  

So get over it Tom Izzo, I bet every kid at MSU probably agrees and acknowledges the fact they couldn't get into UM anyway.  Well actually maybe not because you know, Michigan State.  

Go Green, Go White, Cant read, Cant write, Indeed.  

The Sandusky's are back at it Again

http://www.espn.com/college-football/story/_/id/18678266/jerry-sandusky-son-jeffrey-charged-child-sexual-abuse

BELLEFONTE, Pa. -- One of Jerry Sandusky's adult sons faces multiple charges of sexual offenses involving children, more than five years after the former Penn State assistant coach was himself first arrested.

Court records filed Monday say 41-year-old Jeffrey S. Sandusky was charged with 14 counts, including criminal solicitation and corruption of minors.

WTAJ-TV says state police accuse Sandusky of sending inappropriate texts to a victim and asking for naked photos.

Jeez.  I guess the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree. I can only imagine what Sandusky family get togethers were like.  

- "Hey Jeff and Jerry, dinner is ready! Whatever you're doing upstairs get down here!" 

-"Ok were coming. Don't come up here!" *Immediately shut the binder of kiddie porn and burry it back in the attic

Jeffery being so defensive and backing his father throughout the entire ordeal seems to make all the sense in the world now.  Because that freak sh0w gets his rocks off thinking about little boys too!  I mean talk about a couple sick and deranged fucks.  How shitty must Ms. Sandusky feel about this?  Her husband who claimed to love her actually had the hots for middle school boys, and than for the icing on the cake she played a role in raising a son to do the same god damn thing!  I hope Jerry is getting a little taste of his own medicine he dolled out to all of his victims in jail, and that his son Jeffery is not far behind him.

Now cue all the clueless Penn State alumni still defending Joe Paterno and proclaiming him a good guy.  Morons. 

Not even the Grammy's can Stop Rihanna

Bad bitch Ri Ri at it again!  While Beyonce is on stage essentially doing a lamaze class and preaching about motherhood and other boring shit, Rihanna was just trying to get her drank on and pregame the after party.  I mean a 3 and a half hour show with James Corden making corny jokes and what seemed like 50 tribute performances is just not what Rihanna signed up for her.  Ri Ri legit has sex seeping out her pores.  She is a down bitch trying to get a little buzz on, and her fuck on.  And the only way to do that is to have a flask on hand at all times.

On another note, how insecure must Beyonce feel throughout all these reward shows?  Don't get me wrong Queen Bey is a ten too, but in terms of sex appeal they're on different stratospheres.  And Jay Z knows that too, why he without a doubt has piped Rihanna.  So every single time that Beyonce, Jay Z, and Blue Ivy take a picture to force down the worlds throat how happy of a family they are,  Ri Ri is just watching knowing what HOV really wants another taste of.

Charles Oakley Banned from Madison Square Garden

Any New York sports fan knows the ongoing saga between the Knicks/James Dolan and Charles Oakley.  So today, James Dolan who seems hellbent on being the worst owner in sports and most hated man in NYC announced the Charles Oakley will be banned from MSG.  Lets take a look at the quick pros and cons on this for Oakley.

Cons:
- He can't go to Rangers games and Dolan doesn't care about Hockey so the Rangers are actually good.
- Billy Joel plays at MSG once a month. Sucks Charles won't be able to see the Piano Man
-All other MSG concerts that Oak would probably love to dance his dick off at
- I doubt Oakley is a big WNBA fan.  But have to mention he now can't see the Liberty play. Don't want to be sexist.
- Charles Oakley is a no nonsense dude that use to beat the fuck out of people on the Court.  So even though the "new" Big East is a far cry from what the conference used to be.  I am sure he would like to catch some Big East Tournament Basketball
-Westminster Dog Show.  Everyone loves dogs. (Except James Dolan who stinks to the high heavens as a guy with cats)


Pros:
NEVER EVER HAS TO WASTE MONEY TO SEE THE KNICKS PLAY AGAIN.

 By my count that is 6 negatives and 1 positive.  Yet I still think that Charles is coming at ahead.  I mean watching the Knicks on TV is bad enough, in person is 10 times as painful.  And how about the balls on Dolan to say that Charles Oakley needs help for drinking. Hey Jim, its physically impossible to watch your franchise play soberly.  Maybe if the Knicks weren't the laughing stock of the sports world Oak wouldn't have to be all liquored up for a night at the Garden.  The fucking clown show that is James Dolan keep on going.

Gronk Booing Goodell was Awesome

https://twitter.com/uSTADIUM/status/829349155097178113

So because this is a half real blog with posts by a kid doing anything to escape his life in a cubicle I can't really embed the video because I can't find on Youtube.  However, if you want to watch, click on the link above.  Although it is exactly what you expect, a big drunk meathead yelling "Boooo".

Anyway, onto the point of this blog.  Love or hate the Patriots, there is no way you can't be obsessed wth Gronk.  I am thoroughly convinced he had no idea what deflate-gate really was or understood what was happening.  Terms like PSI, science, all the legal mumbo jumbo going on.  That shit goes right over his head.  Simply put when Rob Gronkowski wakes up in the morning a couple things go through his brain.  "Gronk catch footballs today."  "Gronk shotgun beers today."  "Gronk find chick to 69 with."  

So yesterday at the Parade he probably had zero idea why everyone was booing Roger Goodell and made hate signs about him.  But because Gronk functions like a chimpanzee, if everyone is doing something you're fucking right he is gonna get involved.  So with a fat smile on his face, he went on the podium and got involved in the Goodell hate festivities.  I can only imagine Gronk walking right off the stage afterwards giving everyone thunderous high-fives about how sweet his booing was.  Probably so fucking jacked up, but having no idea why.  Truly the most lovable meathead on the planet.  



 

Teacher Bangs 2 Students, won't have to Register as Sex Offender

A Texas teacher who pleaded guilty on Friday to having sexual relationships with students won’t have to register as a sex offender. Haeli Wey had been having sex for months with two Westlake High School students in Austin until she was arrested in October 2015, according to CBS News. At the time of the trysts, the male students were 17-years-old—the legal age of consent in Texas. Under Texas law, teachers are not allowed to have sexual relationships with students. One victim told police that he started having sex with the then 28-year-old math teacher when she joined his family on a trip to Africa. “The victim said while in Africa his relationship with Ms. Wey become more personal and on a deeper level,” an investigator wrote in court documents. “The victim stated while in Africa their relationship became physical." The student claimed that he slept with Wey more than 10 times, but their relationship came to a halt when he heard rumors that she went on a hike with the other victim. According to the second victim, he had sex with Wey on the hike in September 2015 after they began talking on social media, where she invited him on the outing. He claimed that she then asked him to delete the conversation

A couple thoughts on this story.  First off , this teacher obviously didn't have to register as a sex offender.  I mean look at her, she's fucking hot.  

Hot chicks can't be sex offenders.  Especially hot, slutty, and clearly a little deranged chicks.  She should be out there mounting everything that moves.  Believe me, I don't think any of the guys in town will be complaining.  Also, these stories where female teachers are banging out their male students, while the kids are portrayed as "victims" in the article is absurd.  These kids ain't victims.  They are heroes. Cocksman.  NOTHING they did was not consensual, and if it wasn't, then they are the ones who need to be locked up and registered because they're the threats to society.  Believe me their friends don't feel bad, they're jealous. 

Also, I love how there was a little high school drama involved in this story.  Miss Wey (Sexy half asian teacher name) was hot and heavy with one kid.  Until she decided she needed the dick from the second kid.  Guy number one heard rumors being floated around that he was being two-timed! Clearly you weren't getting the job done and Miss Wey found a high schooler with a little more experience to satisfy her needs. 

Lastly, not that we don't know this, but this broad is a fucking loose cannon.  I mean, she was fucking the kid on the family trip that she joined on. Talk about a set of balls on her.  But, the weirdest part of the whole story is that she went away with them.  Who the hell travels with their family and brings their teacher?  Talk about a way to ruin your vacation, bringing your goddamn school teacher.  Unless of course she is hot and down to fuck the whole time. 

P.S. I love that the first kid and the teacher fucked for the first time outside on their hike in Africa.  Nature vs Nurture.  Nature always wins.

551 words from a Jets fan on SB51

Look, I am a die hard New York Jets fan.  I love them with every fiber of my being.  I love them more than most people love their families.  But it is time for me to say it. I cannot fight it anymore because all it does is lead to disappointment and despair.  Tom Brady is the best quarterback of all time.  Bill Belichick is the greatest coach of all time. Robert Kraft is an all time owner.  And overall the New England Patriots from 2000 on are the best run franchise in professional sports.  (A little part of me just died after all that).

As a gambling man, I like much of America had money wagered on the game last night.  Now I hate the Patriots, yes.  But I am not a communist who hates money.  So against my heart I bet with my brain.  Patriots money line and Tom Brady to win the MVP were the first two wagers I placed.  Unlike most people who root for their bets to win, as the game wore on I found myself absolutely loving the pats getting smacked.  Bill's defense couldn't stop shit.  Tom was getting hit left and right.  I think I even got a full blown hard on when he threw the pick 6 and made the diving attempt at a tackle.  It was glorious.  And I have never been so happy to probably lose money.  

But than as things always do, everything started to turn in the Patriots favor.  Matt Ryan fumbled, the Falcons coaches had some sort of brain aneurysms and forgot how to coach football, Julian Edelman made an all time catch, and so on and so forth.  Some times in life and in sports it is better to be lucky than good.  If you really look at the past two Patriots Super Bowls, if the combination of Pete Carroll/Darrell Bevell/Dan Quinn/Kyle Shanahan decide to just run the ball like all of the world knew they should, all those kind yet painful words I uttered in the first paragraph would be a moot point.  Because the New England Patriots would not have won a Super Bowl in 13 years.  And the combination of Tom Brady and Bill Belichick would be 3-4 in the big game on a 4 game losing streak.  Now it goes both ways, and if David Tyree didn't have a piece of gum stuck on his head things could be totally different.  But you get my point.  

All of that does not matter for shit though.  Because those coaches for the Seahawks and Falcons were inept, something Bill Belichick isn't.  Russell Wilson and Matt Ryan turned the ball over in the fourth quarter, something Tom Brady would never do.  So here were are, February 6, 2017 and the Pats have one for the thumb.  And Tom and Bill are a lock to get their 6th together, I'd put it at 50/50 they get a 7th, and who knows after that.  

The point of this long ass blog that most people probably aren't reading anymore is that I officially have no more energy to hate the New England Patriots.  If they lose awesome, if they win what else is  new.  But until Brady and Belichick are gone it will just be more of the same.  

Tiger Woods Withdraws from Tournament in Dubai

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates (AP) – Tiger Woods withdrew from the Dubai Desert Classic on Friday with back spasms after shooting an opening-round 77 a day earlier, marking another frustrating start to his return to golf from a lengthy injury layoff.Woods' manager, Mark Steinberg, said Woods had back spasms on Thursday night after dinner."Tiger Woods went into a spasm in his lower back fairly late last night ... got treatment done early this morning for 3 1-2 hours, but can't get it out," Steinberg said. "He says it's not the nerve, but back spasm, and he can't get the spasms to calm down. He can move around, but he can't make a full rotation in his swing.

As someone who likes to watch golf, I don't enjoying seeing this.  Whether you love him or hate him, Eldrick Woods is the GOAT.  Golf is simply more exciting when that sexual deviant is competing for a championship on Sundays.  With that being said, anyone who did not see this coming is a god-damn moron.  Tiger Woods withdrawing from this tournament on the other side of the world was as a big of lock as the sun coming up this morning for one sole reason.  THE MAN FLEW ON A COMMERCIAL PLANE TO DUBAI.  FUCKING DUBAI!!!!

This is essentially what a man worth almost a billon dollars did to travel 12 hours. He went to fucking expedia like the rest of us peasants in the world and booked a flight at an affordable rate! Hey Tiger, I know you're ex has half of your net worth, but times can't be this bad in the Woods' household.  You're coming off your bajillionth back surgery.  I am a pretty healthy, but slightly overweight and out of shape 22 year old, and if I flew to Dubai for half of the day, I don't think I'd be able to play golf either.  Let alone you, who has the back of a 41 year old man going on age 90 with more screws and metal in there than a hardware shop.   

The only explanation for this is that Tiger is fucking a flight attendant on whatever airline he flew and he wanted to get his rocks off from 30,000 feet, while she was on the job.  Which, if we're being honest, is a pretty subdued sexual fetish for Tiger compared to what has come out over the years.  Maybe rehab for being a "sex addict" did work?*

*It most definitely did not

Levi Jones is soooooo funny!

http://www.cbssports.com/college-football/news/lb-levi-jones-trolls-florida-florida-state-with-t-shirt-commitment-to-usc/

Levi Jones, a four-star outside linebacker from Westlake High School in Austin, Texas, committed to USC over Florida and Florida State on Wednesday morning. However, he left the latter two schools hanging with nothing more than high hopes. 

During his announcement, Jones unzipped his jacket to reveal a Florida shirt ... which was then taken off to reveal a Florida State shirt ... which was then taken off to reveal a USC shirt. Jones then put on a Trojans hat to seal the deal

Couldn't get around to blogging this yesterday on actual National Signing Day because I am just catching my breath from laughing after Levi Brown pulled this stunt.  I mean he was wearing three different shirts! How funny is that??? Lets run through what was going through everyones head during the prank of the year from the newest USC linebacker Levi Brown. 

Good for Levi Jones.  A young Kid making his dream come true by committing to play big time Division I football.  Four years of a free education, endless pussy being thrown your way, and massive exploitation by the NCAA.  

Well Florida it is.  Have fun Levi.  Hot chicks, the swamp, and Nick Saban smashing your face in.  He is even so proud he is showing off the Gators part of the shirt.  Hmm wonder why he is wearing a red shirt underneath it though? Strange.

What a switch to the Gators in state rivals Florida State! Guess that was what the red shirt! Levi Jones got jokes!  Time to watch the next player commit today.

Seriously? Again? Fuck you dude.

Well Levi, it says you're only considering Florida State, Florida, and USC.  But if I know you, theres probably something up your sleeve.  We have seen how funny you are!

Well the hat should make it official. Thanks for becoming my least favorite college football player before you even got your high school diploma.