I didn't get into bed till around 1:30AM last night, as I and most Americans were watching the election results pour in as utter disbelief hit that Donald Trump was gonna be going from The Celebrity Apprentice to the Oval Office. And no matter who you voted for or wanted to win, the reality is we all lost. Because this morning instead of sleeping in and taking the day to chill and digest the news. I was up early to be at my desk by 9am to sit at work, do some shit, and write blogs when my boss is not looking at my computer. And so were you, just most likely minus the blog part. Late night, big event, whole world watching, there is no reason everyone shouldn't have the day off. So here is the definitive list of days that all offices should be closed
1. Monday after the Super Bowl
This one is the most obvious. After I spend a night drinking and eating wings and pizza I normally like to spend a day nursing my hangover and trying to not shit my pants, and nothing else. These are two things than can be done from the comfort of your own home and sure as fuck not the office. And don't give me this nonsense that the Super Bowl hangover only affects guys into sports because that aint true. Guys like the game, chicks like the halftime show, and the gays love the commercials. It is Americas night to get drunk, eat, get more drunk, lose money gambling, than blackout to forget you lost money. A recipe for a necessary day off of work.
2. Day after the Election
Went over a lot of this above but it is pretty simple. Were up late watching the boring ass news so who wants to be up early to get into boring ass work. It is only every four years so not like were getting greedy. And most importantly, work is just straight up awkward today. Got big time liberal Hillary lovers who look they're gonna jump out of my 17th floor office, and Trump people who have already started segregating the minorities in the office. People need a day to digest the results and it sure as hell should not be at work.
3. Post Halloween
Another holiday that centers around eating a shit ton of candy and drinking? No fucking way people should have to work. Kids are running around all night trying to collect enough candy to feed an African country, and adults are out trying to drink and get laid. Tell me how work the next day makes sense. It doesn't.
4. First weekend of NCAA Tournament
Arguably the best weekend in sports. A million games on with crazy upsets. People following their schools, brackets, and gambling on every game. It is also March so the weather is finally somewhat nice and we should be able to rejoice from a bar, not work.
5. Cinco de Mayo
Once Trump kicks all the Mexicans out and builds the wall we will have none of our friends from south of the border left. Cinco de Mayo should be spent outside with sombreros, quesadillas, and endless margaritas to honor those lost hombres. Certainly not in my business casual attire, drinking coffee, and eating bullshit salads.
P.S. This blog is for the kids too, any of these days we got off of work, you little fuckers should get off of school. Not college kids though, you guys are living the dream as it is and shouldn't be given any more gifts.
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